Sunday, June 26, 2016

ANXIETY AWARNESS

As an Anxiety sufferer myself, I am constantly miss understood, underestimated and pushed aside by society... So I've decided to shed some light on this topic, hoping to raise awareness and acceptance.

I think the first thing most of us would like you to know is: "I have anxiety, but anxiety doesn't have me" we try our very hardest to control our anxiety and not let it interfere with our daily lives. But everyday is a struggle, even when we are at our best. Our anxiety is always with us and panic taps us on the shoulder a few times a day. On good days we can usually just brush it off, on bad days we would just like to stay in bed. Anxiety isn't something that goes away, it's something we have to learn to control.

Our society turns their back to mental illness and come out saying things like "Anxiety isn't that bad". Yes, yes it is. Anxiety makes you sit there and over think every single thing. At times it makes you think that people in your life are leaving you, you begin to feel abandoned and like you're not worth anything because the most important people in your life don't want you. So you start to push away because you're scared of getting hurt. You push them away so they can't leave you anymore. When in reality nobody was ever leaving you...but your anxiety made you distance yourself and leave the ones you love and it sucks.

Another thing our society does (on those are occasions it acknowledges mental illness) is paint a pretty picture of a someone being hugged while overcoming a panic attack...Well the picture is never that pretty, usually there is no one there to help you and to be brutally honest even if you are lucky enough to have someone there to hold your hand or to hold you it makes little difference. Panic attacks aren't cute or pretty, they are not funny or adorable. 

Panic attacks are a massive censorial overload... Do you know what it's like to have  a censorial overload? To not be able to breathe, getting so dizzy everything around you becomes blurry? Having your hearing so heightened until everything you hear becomes a massive loud buzzing sound? Having your taste buds become so sensitive that all you can taste is blood  and metal, even though your mouth is empty? Having everything you can smell become so strong that you just want to vomit? Having your touch so sensitive that everything you touch or anything that touches you physically hurts? And your body's response is to contract all your muscles so tightly you start shaking uncontrollably, but apart from shake you can't move an inch? 

But anxiety attacks aren't always hyperventilating and freaking out, for me, most of my anxiety attacks come out in major frustration (with myself and others), fast-talking, stuttering, not talking at all or staring into space zoned out.

I think what annoys me the most is people saying "Stop being so nervous and anxious" or when I'm having a panic attack "Why don't you just breathe normally?" SERIOUSLY?? You don't think I would if I could...

Anxiety can stop you doing everyday tasks, simple tasks become difficult and extremely stressful. Ordering food in restaurants, Walking down a busy road or entering somewhere busy, Talking to people on the phone, Eating in front of other people, Asking for help, Meeting new people, Being in a group of people where I don't know some of them, Getting on public transport, Speaking in front of more than two people...Are some of the examples...

Here are a few things that anxiety sufferers would like for you to know:

-It may seem irrational to you, but what I'm anxious about is very real for me.

-I'm not blowing you off, It's hard for me to talk sometimes no matter how much I want to. I just can't.

-Don't give up on me when I isolate myself.

-Be patient, it doesn't always look like a panic attack, sometimes it comes out in frustration and anger.

-Even when things are wonderful, I'm waiting for something to go horribly wrong.

-When I'm being quiet, I'm not sad, bored, tired or whatever you want to fill the blank with. There's just so much going on in my head that I can't always keep up with things going on around me.

-I can't "Just turn off". Everything can change in less than 30 seconds...Too many people, too much noise and new place and no known exists, the list continues...

-It's not you, I promise. It's me and I'm sorry for every plan I've made and had to cancel. I'm sorry for every time I've seemed irrational and nasty because I was overwhelmed or scared. I'm so sorry my anxiety hurts you as well.

-Don't shut me out, my anxiety stops me doing a lot of things but being invited out by someone who cares can make my day to know they still care.

-I analyze EVERYTHING constantly, I can't turn my brain off and it's exhausting...

-I want you to know it's not your job to fix me. Please just love me the way I am.

-Most of the time you won't know I'm having anxiety unless I tell you, over time you learn to hide it to your best ability.

-If I'm not comfortable doing something, just let it go...Please don't try to convince me- it makes it much worse.

-Even though I have anxiety and can't do a lot of things, please always know that if you need me, I'll be there.

-I don't know what's happening in my head a lot of the time either. I understand you don't get it,but your efforts to try and understand mean the world to me.

-Don't take it personally when I don't want to go out. My home is my comfort zone, it's my safe place. Keep inviting me to group things, some days I feel stronger than others, so my answer might surprise you. Be patient.

-When I say I can't take on one more thing, I really need you to understand, I really just can't.

-When I can't do something, no one is more disappointed than me. Please try to understand that.

-Sometimes I need to be alone. It's not personal. I'm not mad. I don't have some big problem. I don't just need to shake it off and do something fun. I just need to be alone so I can reset myself and breathe a little. Give me space, but please don't forget me.

All we need is a little understanding, a little acceptance and someone who cares. Please don't underestimate our abilities, yes some days we feel weak and don't even know if we will be able to leave the house. But on other days we are strong and will surprise you.

Thank you for reading and I hope this has helped you understand the situation of millions of people worldwide a little better.